Ang Kapalaran ng Umaasa

Nang natapos na ang pelikulang “Les Miserables” at nagliwanag na muli sa sinehan, humarap sa akin ang kaibigan ko at sinabing "Nakita mo yun? Yung umasa, namatay!” At sumagot naman ung isang ko pang kaibigan ng “Oo nga!  Tapos kung sino pa ung nagpaasa, un pa ang nabuhay at naging masaya sa huli? Unfair din noh?” Sa sinabi nilang un, napaisip ako, napabuntong-hininga at nasabi na lang sa sarili na baliw talaga ang mga kaibigan ko. Pero baliw man sila, di mapapagkakaila na tama naman sila.

Katulad na lang ng isang grupo ng mga binata na namatay sa kanilang pagngahas magsimula ng rebolusyon, inakala nila na makikiisa sa kanila ang mga tao pero huli na ng malaman nila na sila lang pala ang lumalaban.  Katulad din ni Eponine na namatay matapos saluhin ang bala na para sana kay Marius na matagal na nyang iniibig. Nang matapos ang rebolusyon, ikinasal ang binata sa isang babae na hindi pa nya gaano kakilala. Unfair lang noh? Nakakainis! Yan nga ang siguro ang tadhana ng mga taong umaasa -- nasasaktan at namamatay.

Bakit marami pa din ang umaasa kahit alam na naman natin ang maaaring kapalit nito? Na sa kabila nito marami pa din ang umaasa na magkakaroon ng magandang buhay, ng maayos ang gobyerno, ng magandang trabaho o ng tunay na pagmamahal. Kasi naniniwala tayo sa magandang bukas, na pagkatapos ng unos may nag-aabang na bagong liwanag, na sa bawat suntok ng buhay may kapalit na tagumpay. Napakamakapangyarihan ng pag-asa sapagkat eto ang nakakapagbigay loob sa atin na lumaban at hindi sumuko. Sabi nga nila diba “Habang may buhay may pag-asa”? Totoo ba talaga eto o nagpapaasa lang? Naniniwala ako na sa ating buhay hindi dapat tayo nawawalan ng pag-asa, pero may nag-iisang aspeto sa ating buhay kung saan hindi dapat umasa sa ‘pag-asa’ at kung saan minsan mas nakabubuti pa ang mawalan ng pag-asa at tanggapin na lang na hindi lahat ng pinapangarap mo, kahit gaano mo pa eto pinaglaban at pinaghirapan, ay mapapasayo - at ito ay ang Pag-ibig. *buntong-hininga* 

The Travel Bug Bites

It was a fun and travel-filled 2012! 

Funny how, I age at 26, and with the company of my mom, had my first plane ride bound to our home province of Bicol. And now at age 27, barely over a year since that first plane ride, I have become a regular visitor of airports, not to mention bus terminals and docks of places that are all new to me. 2012 paved the way for my travel addiction. In fact, I traveled to more places in this year alone than in the past 26 years of my life. Here’s a glimpse of where I’ve been in the past year.

The Ghost Comes Alive

Everything around me was shaking; or perhaps it was just me? Color drained from my face, my entire body limped and for a split second, I cannot breath. It may seem that I have seen a ghost. But I have not. I am only about to see one.

It was about 4 PM, I was engrossed with finishing the document I have to submit when my phone rang. My eyes couldn’t believe what it just saw -- your name flashing on my phone screen. It took me a while before my mind realized that YOU were calling me. After more than three rings, I finally answered. You cheerfully greeted me with “Hi, where are you?” and I just answered with a stern “Why?” I tried to sound as natural and kind as I could, but I guess I can never be good at pretending. You asked me again where I was because you were just around the area and you were thinking if I want to hang out for a while; and without any hesitations, I agreed. You said you’d be in front of my office after 10 minutes and hung up. Realizing what had just transpired, I froze. The ghost that has been haunting me for the past two years has come alive.

Fearing and Facing the Truth

I am here in this quaint little coffee shop waiting for you. You just texted you'd be coming late, but I don't mind as I have my book and iPod to keep me company. And perhaps I'll get something light to fill my stomach, nevermind that it will just aggravate the queasiness that I already feel.

It was two years ago since I was last here, and it was also to meet you. In fact, that was when we first met. I never would have thought I would be here again, and for the same reason.

I need to talk to you, as I know you are that one person who can give some sense to everything that has been happening. You may not be kind with your words but at least I'll know it is the truth.

I had been seeking for that truth since I met you...

...But all I can do now is wait.

The Distant Travels of My Restless Mind

It is almost 3 A.M. and I still can't sleep. My body is already screaming that it wants to rest but somehow my mind is not cooperating. It is in its restless mode again. 

My mind is going to all sort of places right now. It is in Baler, braving and raving the waves. It is in Davao, figuring out what to do next as I am there all alone. It is there in the other side of the world, sharing a good laugh with you. It is there in my work desk, deliberating on how I can all my deliverables this week. It is in Starbucks, reliving the day I lost you. It is here in my room, recklessly battling with my body to not get some sleep yet. It is in all other places, and I can't keep track where it is now. I swear my mind is now more of a travel junkie than I am. 

Who ever said you cannot be at more than one place at the same time? My mind can do all of that. More than that. All the time.

My dear mind, I am begging you, can you stop wandering? You had been wandering and wondering for years now. At least for a brief moment, be one with my body and want rest? I know you wouldn't be delighted if my body gets sick, right? You'll have all the time to wander again later when the sun comes up, and you'd be doing just that all day. 

So please, let's rest now.

The 12 Lessons of 2012

Ah, 2013! There is something about a new year that makes us all ecstatic and giddy. For most of us, it signifies a fresh start, an opportunity to embark on a new journey to happiness. But for others, it is a chance to leave behind the ghost of the previous year that has not treated them well. However good or bad 2012 was, 2013 is here welcoming us with a huge grin, just waiting for us to take control. So hop on and make the most of each day that we are blessed with! :)

Like a clean sheet of paper, 2013 is waiting for me to fill it with new adventures, meaningful lessons and wonderful memories. But before I turn the page to 2013, let me reminisce on the year that was. Read on, you'll get a glimpse of how 2012 treated me. :P

The First of Many

Yey! I have finally started a blog!

It has long been a dream of mine to be a blogger and today, that dream finally came true. I don’t know what took me so long to finally do this. But it took me some recent dramatic events, some bucket of tears and a huge frustration over the existing social media networks to finally realize this long-neglected dream. I don’t consider myself a good writer, although I will try to be one, and even strive to be better at it. But one thing I can be certain about is I express myself better in writing.